My chains are gone; I've been set free!

I feel God is telling me to open up about some of the personal struggles that I have been going through for the past several months. While being in South Africa I have come face to face with insecurities, temptation, and battles like I never did in the States, but I have also experienced God's grace, love, faithfulness, and healing like never before in my life. He has healed me from bondage that I has been strangling me since I was very young. This has not been an overnight revelation, but four months ago was the turning point. Was I going to allow God to search me (every part of me), deal with issues, and cleanse my heart and life, or was I going to continue running and denying that there was an issue I had to face, ignoring that it was affecting my relationship with my Heavenly Father? Fearfully trusting (if that is possible), I surrendered to God's spiritual operating table.

Since I was in 8th grade I have struggled with my self image; at times it was more extreme than others and it manifested itself in various forms throughout the years. This issue stemmed from many things that I faced when I was younger. However, God made the severity of the issue very clear to me a few months ago and showed me how much this was hurting my relationship with Him. At times this issue manifested itself in the way I was eating (not eating some months or emotionally over eating), at other times it was the way I dressed hiding myself because I did not believe I was good enough or that people would judge me, other times I would pass up opportunities because a voice inside of me was telling me I was not worthy or pretty enough. It not only affected me psychologically and emotionally, but it also affected my relationships with other people. I would keep my distance emotionally, not allowing anyone close for fear they wouldn't love me and that they would hurt me. These are just a few of the areas of my life that this issue had a hold over.

In April, I began seeing an IMB Missionary here in Johannesburg, South Africa who is a counselor. These past few months have been very difficult at times, but God has been SO faithful to me. He has healed me and restored me. He has shown me that I have value and worth to Him and that He loves my unconditionally no matter what. He will never reject me or hurt me; He LOVES me! I have value because of God's love for me. This has been an issue in my life for many years, and I know the process of healing will still take time, surrendering every day, each meal, every moment, every thought, but God is powerful! He is my healer; when we surrender it all to HIM, our hurts, struggles, and fears, He takes it and does a mighty work. When I couldn't; He was able! When I felt rejected; He responded! When I hated myself; He loved me! When I stopped; He began!

Isaiah 49:16 "I have engraved you on the palms of my hands."
Zephaniah 3:17b "I will take great delight in you. I will quiet you with my love. I will rejoice over you with singing."

My journey to the Homelands this weekend...

I went to Pietermaritzberg, South Africa for the weekend with Aunt Joyce, BoyBoy and Precious to visit their family in the rural areas. It's hard to imagine life that side without experiencing it, but it's like Tranquility....let me try to put it into words. In Rural Africa, one might say life is in slow motion; however, I've come to the conclusion that everyone else sprints through life and forgets to take time to soak in the "small" things. We wake up automatically in "Go Mode" - get the kids fed and to the bus, us to work on time; next, we check our messages for the day, o, and book our nail appointment for Saturday afternoon, make some coffee to get through the morning meeting on stock control; during our lunch "break" we take the car to the shop for an oil change while we run into WalMart to get a few things; we grab a Starbucks Mocha Frappachino before heading back to work; we get "off" at 5pm; we rush the kids to football and cheerleading, then the drive through at McDonald's is the next stop before heading home; hopefully while the kids bath and do their homework we can stay awake for our favorite TV show and maybe the news to find out what is actually happening in the world before falling asleep on the couch only to repeat this again and again and again.....sooner or later you wonder where did life go?

See, in the Homelands it's like you get to breathe in God's blessings each moment...you enjoy bathing even though it may take an hour to wash your hair with a cup and a bucket, one appreciates looking at the beauty outside while walking to the store to buy a loaf of bread or a role of toilet paper, you find such joy in seeing a child chase a cow in the backyard and spending time with people you love doing the simplest things like brushing your teeth beneath the stars...

God wants us to appreciate the beauty He created. How do we get to know our Creator if we never take time to even ponder what He has made? (Are we too focused on what WE can make in this life... financially, with our families, careers, churches, our social life.... ) SLOW DOWN and LET GOD!! Take time to fall in love with His creation and make time to spend with Him each day. Every relationship takes effort and energy to build; one has a desire to spend time with that person each day, and an overwhelming and unexplainable love for them. Are you in a relationship with Jesus Christ or are you in a relationship with yourself, your job, your life, your stuff? Find YOUR "Pietermaritzberg" YOUR Homeland where God wants to take you this week and show you His beauty, His rest, His joy, His peace, HIS TRANQUILITY!

August 12 - 22 or 23 or 24 or 25, 2009

My mom and grandmother came to visit SOUTH AFRICA and me :) We had a great time seeing animals at the Pilannesburg Game Park (well....i endured the animals), visiting the people I have fallen in love with , attending Wednesday Night Home Cell and Friday night youth meetings, and relaxing together for a few days. Relaxing means eating alot of food that I hadn't had in over a year like homemade biscuits and gravy, tacos, meatloaf, spinach dip....yum!! We saw a play called Umoja that traces the history of music in South Africa, enjoyed an AUTHENTIC African-American dinner with my South African family one night at my apartment. We visited Alexandra (the township closest to the church where I serve) and spent some time at the orphanage one afternoon. It was such a blessing for them to come and see the faces that I talk about and experience some of my life here in Johannesburg. However, they were very ready to leave by the fourth day of driving to the airport each night trying to get a seat on their plane (they were given buddy passes by a friend...what a blessing!!). Thank you to everyone for your prayers while they were on this journey. Thank you to the individuals and churches who contributed medical supplies for the homeless shelter ministry here in downtown Johannesburg and for the encouraging cards and goodies I continue to receive. My mother and grandmother were such a blessing to me during those 2 weeks! It helps tremendously knowing that my family supports me, loves me and was even willing to come on a 17 hour plane ride to Africa to see what God is doing in my life. I am very grateful! I love you mom and nanny!