Unforgettable November 2009

This month has been a month in my personal walk with God that I will never forget. It has been one of the hardest months of my life, yet it has been one of the most freeing and rewarding months of my life. God began to show me at the end of October that there were several issues that I had deep within my heart that I had to feel, to express, to deal with, and to let go of. Through every single step and in every moment God was with me in this journey. God spoke to my heart and whispered that He wanted everything in November; HE wanted to BE everything to me this November, and He wanted all of Sarah this month. I surrendered not fully knowing what I was about to walk into but knowing that deep healing from my past needed to take place that had me in bondage for many years, and God was the only One who understood it all. He asked me to let go of everything, and I mean everything for 30 days... ANY involvement with the youth at Lyndhurst Baptist Church, girl's Bible study, caffeine, make up, home cell group, relationships, communication, music, other books.

God taught me that He IS more than enough for me; He IS big enough to heal me. He IS "God" enough!! He showed me what true unconditional love is and what it means to trust. He held my heart very gently as I walked a journey from the very beginning of my life to today looking at issues, circumstances and memories that had become my identity and had affected my relationship with God and how I relate to others. God peeled back layers of hurt, anger, doubt, worry, and fear that I had built up around my heart for many years in an effort to protect anyone from getting too close to me and that I had used as response mechanisms in dealing with my past. I experienced what people mean when they say "minute by minute reliance on God." God was my strength and got me through literally each minute on those very difficult days when everything that I had come to rely on and run to had been taken out from under me. God showed me that He uses everything we go through to bring Him glory and to bring others to himself. I know this will be a continued process for me as I take steps each day toward healing, restoration, freedom, and liberty, but the end of November marked a new beginning for Sarah Maddox because I have found who I am in Christ; I have found freedom in being who He created me to be, and I have learned that He (without anyone or anything else) IS more than enough for me!

Psalm 18:20-24 (The Message)
"God made my life complete when I placed all the pieces before him. When I got my act together, he gave me a fresh start. Now I'm alert to God's ways; I don't take God for granted. Every day I review the ways he works; I try not to miss a trick. I feel put back together, and I'm watching my step. God rewrote the text of my life when I opened the book of my heart to his eyes."

John 8:36
"So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed."

"Definition"

Watching quietly in the background;
Listening silently in the shadow.
Waiting to see it lived;
Longing to see it defined.
I did not have;
But I desperately need to see.

Daddy.
Pa.
Man.
Husband.
Baba.
Father.
You are defining these titles for me.

One can see in your little girl’s eyes, you make her world spin. She fully trusts as she
jumps into your arms…
…she feels the definition of “Daddy.”
Your eldest son still believes you aren’t afraid of anything. He wants to be just like you…
… he sees the definition of “Father.”
You both were arguing as you stepped out of the car, but you gently squeeze her hand as
you walked into the church…
… she experiences the definition of “Husband.”

I wonder what it’s like to have a father.
How different it would be if mommy weren’t alone.
I wonder what it feels like to say “Daddy.”

Since I don’t know, I’m watching you. Yes, You. I am
Watching quietly in the background;
Listening silently in the shadow.
Waiting to see it lived;
Longing to see it defined.
I did not have;
But I desperately need to see.

You aren’t only daddy to the ones you look like.
You aren’t only father to the ones you conceived.

You are building a definition of “Father.”
You are shaping a definition of “Daddy.”
You are modeling a definition of “Husband.”

…What are you defining for Me?

My chains are gone; I've been set free!

I feel God is telling me to open up about some of the personal struggles that I have been going through for the past several months. While being in South Africa I have come face to face with insecurities, temptation, and battles like I never did in the States, but I have also experienced God's grace, love, faithfulness, and healing like never before in my life. He has healed me from bondage that I has been strangling me since I was very young. This has not been an overnight revelation, but four months ago was the turning point. Was I going to allow God to search me (every part of me), deal with issues, and cleanse my heart and life, or was I going to continue running and denying that there was an issue I had to face, ignoring that it was affecting my relationship with my Heavenly Father? Fearfully trusting (if that is possible), I surrendered to God's spiritual operating table.

Since I was in 8th grade I have struggled with my self image; at times it was more extreme than others and it manifested itself in various forms throughout the years. This issue stemmed from many things that I faced when I was younger. However, God made the severity of the issue very clear to me a few months ago and showed me how much this was hurting my relationship with Him. At times this issue manifested itself in the way I was eating (not eating some months or emotionally over eating), at other times it was the way I dressed hiding myself because I did not believe I was good enough or that people would judge me, other times I would pass up opportunities because a voice inside of me was telling me I was not worthy or pretty enough. It not only affected me psychologically and emotionally, but it also affected my relationships with other people. I would keep my distance emotionally, not allowing anyone close for fear they wouldn't love me and that they would hurt me. These are just a few of the areas of my life that this issue had a hold over.

In April, I began seeing an IMB Missionary here in Johannesburg, South Africa who is a counselor. These past few months have been very difficult at times, but God has been SO faithful to me. He has healed me and restored me. He has shown me that I have value and worth to Him and that He loves my unconditionally no matter what. He will never reject me or hurt me; He LOVES me! I have value because of God's love for me. This has been an issue in my life for many years, and I know the process of healing will still take time, surrendering every day, each meal, every moment, every thought, but God is powerful! He is my healer; when we surrender it all to HIM, our hurts, struggles, and fears, He takes it and does a mighty work. When I couldn't; He was able! When I felt rejected; He responded! When I hated myself; He loved me! When I stopped; He began!

Isaiah 49:16 "I have engraved you on the palms of my hands."
Zephaniah 3:17b "I will take great delight in you. I will quiet you with my love. I will rejoice over you with singing."

My journey to the Homelands this weekend...

I went to Pietermaritzberg, South Africa for the weekend with Aunt Joyce, BoyBoy and Precious to visit their family in the rural areas. It's hard to imagine life that side without experiencing it, but it's like Tranquility....let me try to put it into words. In Rural Africa, one might say life is in slow motion; however, I've come to the conclusion that everyone else sprints through life and forgets to take time to soak in the "small" things. We wake up automatically in "Go Mode" - get the kids fed and to the bus, us to work on time; next, we check our messages for the day, o, and book our nail appointment for Saturday afternoon, make some coffee to get through the morning meeting on stock control; during our lunch "break" we take the car to the shop for an oil change while we run into WalMart to get a few things; we grab a Starbucks Mocha Frappachino before heading back to work; we get "off" at 5pm; we rush the kids to football and cheerleading, then the drive through at McDonald's is the next stop before heading home; hopefully while the kids bath and do their homework we can stay awake for our favorite TV show and maybe the news to find out what is actually happening in the world before falling asleep on the couch only to repeat this again and again and again.....sooner or later you wonder where did life go?

See, in the Homelands it's like you get to breathe in God's blessings each moment...you enjoy bathing even though it may take an hour to wash your hair with a cup and a bucket, one appreciates looking at the beauty outside while walking to the store to buy a loaf of bread or a role of toilet paper, you find such joy in seeing a child chase a cow in the backyard and spending time with people you love doing the simplest things like brushing your teeth beneath the stars...

God wants us to appreciate the beauty He created. How do we get to know our Creator if we never take time to even ponder what He has made? (Are we too focused on what WE can make in this life... financially, with our families, careers, churches, our social life.... ) SLOW DOWN and LET GOD!! Take time to fall in love with His creation and make time to spend with Him each day. Every relationship takes effort and energy to build; one has a desire to spend time with that person each day, and an overwhelming and unexplainable love for them. Are you in a relationship with Jesus Christ or are you in a relationship with yourself, your job, your life, your stuff? Find YOUR "Pietermaritzberg" YOUR Homeland where God wants to take you this week and show you His beauty, His rest, His joy, His peace, HIS TRANQUILITY!

August 12 - 22 or 23 or 24 or 25, 2009

My mom and grandmother came to visit SOUTH AFRICA and me :) We had a great time seeing animals at the Pilannesburg Game Park (well....i endured the animals), visiting the people I have fallen in love with , attending Wednesday Night Home Cell and Friday night youth meetings, and relaxing together for a few days. Relaxing means eating alot of food that I hadn't had in over a year like homemade biscuits and gravy, tacos, meatloaf, spinach dip....yum!! We saw a play called Umoja that traces the history of music in South Africa, enjoyed an AUTHENTIC African-American dinner with my South African family one night at my apartment. We visited Alexandra (the township closest to the church where I serve) and spent some time at the orphanage one afternoon. It was such a blessing for them to come and see the faces that I talk about and experience some of my life here in Johannesburg. However, they were very ready to leave by the fourth day of driving to the airport each night trying to get a seat on their plane (they were given buddy passes by a friend...what a blessing!!). Thank you to everyone for your prayers while they were on this journey. Thank you to the individuals and churches who contributed medical supplies for the homeless shelter ministry here in downtown Johannesburg and for the encouraging cards and goodies I continue to receive. My mother and grandmother were such a blessing to me during those 2 weeks! It helps tremendously knowing that my family supports me, loves me and was even willing to come on a 17 hour plane ride to Africa to see what God is doing in my life. I am very grateful! I love you mom and nanny!

What if he walked into your restaurant?

i'm 16 years old, and ive been on the streets for 6 months. My mom and i got into a fight last December; so I left. She wouldn't pay my school fees...well, she can't. She uses all of her money on alcohol! I'm not from Joburg; I live a couple of hours away….well... i use to. i heard there was money and jobs in Jo'burg, but it hasn't turned out how i thought it would be. i'm all alone; my older brother knows where i am, but i don’t have any contact with my mom. See, i go to different shelters or churches to get food during the days and at nights i sleep in the park or wherever i can find a place. There are these two restaurant owners who are nice to me and a couple of the others; they always give us food if we go in and tell them we are hungry. This is my reality as i wake up each morning to people walking by me on their way to work, each afternoon as my stomach begins to ache from hunger, and each night as i look for a place in the park to sleep ….i'm not just a body under a blanket by the bridge...my name is Lawrence.

I have had the opportunity several Wednesday nights to take part in a homeless ministry in downtown Johannesburg. We met Lawrence during our last stop of handing out soup and bread last night. He looked so young and scared; hopeless. He needs HIS love. ....and Lawrence is only ONE....there are sooo many more like him.


When you do it for one of the least of these; you have done it unto Me (Matthew 25:45). Our world would be a different place if Christians began putting action to the faith they claim to have. Don't we have Jesus??? ...why is it people think it is strange when a Christian wants to be out there or on that side of the ocean or on this side of the tracks no matter what the cost... Obedience shouldn't be the exception if we are Christians; it SHOULD be the norm. Wouldn't you rather live with others perplexed by your devotion, than die and have your Savior questioning it? Let's live a radically obedient, irresistibly contagious, and fervently devoted life so that the Lawrences in our world become a priceless soul, someones child (HIS child) that needs to hear about His love and not just a body under a blanket by the bridge!!

Kids Day Camp at LBC

This past week Lyndhurst Baptist Church hosted a Day Camp for children in the community. We had about 50 children come each day; only a few of the children attend the church regularly so this was a great opportunity for outreach into the community. The youth came during their holiday break to lead classes, set up games, help with the crafts, and serve 50 children and 30 workers snacks and lunch. It such was a blessing to see our youth take ownership of this and to use their gifts to love on these children. The theme for the camp was "The Hand of God." The children learned about a different Bible character each day and the attribute of God that was displayed through that character's life. Please continue to be in prayer for the youth as God molds and stretches them into His image.